Money, Money, Money

The Powerball jackpot is up to about 450 million dollars for tonight’s drawing.  I’ve already laughed at myself for being interested in winning 450 million this week when I wasn’t interested in winning 300 million dollars last week, considering that my life would be a lot less stressful if I won as little as 30 thousand bucks.

Here’s some advice from Forbes Magazine, where they know a thing or two about what it’s like to have money.  They’ve come up with the first five things you should do if you win Powerball.

First, sign the back of the ticket.  If you do, nobody else can turn in your ticket and claim it as their own.  And don’t think it’s impossible to lose a winning lottery ticket.  An alarmingly large number of people have done so.  And every year there are jackpots that expire without being claimed.  You might as well sign your ticket right after you buy it, unless knowing that you took the time to do so would make you feel extra pathetic in the likely event that you don’t win.

Second, resist the urge to tell everyone.  This wouldn’t be a problem for me.  I can keep a secret.  But I’ve known plenty of people who can’t even have a thought without telling you immediately what it is.  If given the choice between going public and remaining anonymous, remain anonymous.  You get a physically smaller check and nobody will see you on TV, but you also avoid a lot of unwanted phone calls and drop-ins.

Third, hire a money management team.  An experienced money management team.  Don’t hire an amateur who talks a good game or somebody’s lawyer friend or anyone named Madoff.  Get a well-known estate planner, a real financial planner and an established accountant.  In fact, hire them before you cash in the ticket.  They’ll explain to you why it’s better to take the lump sum than the annuity.

Four, resist the urge to buy stuff for awhile.  44 percent of lottery winners blow through their winnings within five years.  Most of those are people who win just a million or two, but there have been a few who even went through 10 or 20 million in that amount of time.  A woman in the Midwest several years ago declared bankruptcy four years after winning 22 million.  She was down to about a hundred thousand at the time and owed more than three million dollars to Mercedes Benz and Rolls Royce, among others.  I don’t actually know if it’s possible to blow through 450 million dollars, but I know a professional athlete who was paid 116 million in salary over 14 years and doesn’t have any of it left.  He makes a living trading autographs for money.

Fifth, quit your job.  Some people win the lottery and keep showing up at work every day.  Even Forbes says everyone hates those people.

There are plenty of other things you could do, like setting up trust funds for your kids and turning them into Kennedys.  I suggest this:  moments after you find out you’ve won 450 million dollars, do the laundry.  You’ll know why.