Baby You Can Drive My Car

Not a lot of people know this, but I don’t drive anymore.  I have an odd eye problem that has caused me to lose a great deal of vision in both eyes, and it’s not safe for me to drive a car.  If that sounds like a bummer, it’s because it is.  My wife is a fine chauffeur, but having to get someone else to drive you everywhere is a pain for both of us.  It’s not unlike being a kid again, without the benefit of not having to pay taxes.

Anyway, I always considered myself to be a safe driver.  Luckily, I’ve never been in an accident.  And I say luckily because I came close on more than one occasion, usually because of ice, and once because I swerved to avoid a family of ducks.

This morning I actually heard some statistics that make me think staying off the road isn’t such a bad idea.

Six in ten drivers say they’ve consumed alcohol while driving.  That’s a pretty big percentage of people.  And I don’t mean that somebody had a glass of wine with dinner, then drove home from a restaurant.  These are people breaking the open container law.  Have I ever done it?  No.  I’m not much of a drinker to begin with, and I’ve never had a desire to be ticketed for an open container.  I guess I’m in the 40 percent who haven’t.

Half of all drivers admit to using their rear-view mirror to put on makeup and/or work on their hair while driving.  I don’t use makeup.  I do comb my hair, but I don’t do it in the car.

One-third of men have shaved while driving.  It doesn’t say, but I assume this means using an electric shaver.  It occurs to me that using a safety razor would be somewhat messy, and using a straight razor could even be fatal if you encounter a speed bump or pothole.  I start work every morning at five o’clock, frequently with a five o’clock shadow.

One-third of mothers have changed a baby’s diaper while driving.  This would require special skills I do not possess.  It doesn’t seem right to me that mothers would drive recklessly with a baby in the car, but stranger things have been known to happen, I suppose.  And there are probably mothers somewhere who can change a baby while jogging or riding a bike.  Mothers can do a lot of amazing stuff.

One in four drivers say they clip their fingernails while driving.  I wouldn’t do this because I nearly slice off a piece of finger skin if I clip my fingernails while sitting in a chair at home.  But this has me wondering if anyone has ever clipped their toenails while driving.  I hope not.

And lastly, one in ten drivers admit to doing a crossword puzzle while driving.  I can actually imagine this, because I’ve been in Los Angeles traffic during rush hour, which is ironically named.  Some days you sit perfectly still for long periods of time, even on the freeway.  It could be tempting to glance at the paper, but I never kept a pencil in my vehicle.

So what have I done in the car other than drive?  I’ve eaten a cheeseburger and fries.  I’ve had a coke.  I’ve carried on a conversation.  I’ve listened to the radio.  I’ve listened to cassettes and CD’s.  But as far as I can remember, I never did anything that made me forget I was driving.

Oh…for about five years I did drive while constantly squinting.  But I don’t do that anymore.

There is no custom code to display.

Blogs

Guest Blog-District 18-Representative Ilana Rubel-Clean Slate

Guest Blog-District 18-Representative Ilana Rubel-Clean Slate

Idahoans Deserve a Second Chance Representative Ilana Rubel/(D-Boise) and Senator Dave Lent/(R-Idaho Falls) Our criminal justice system is intended to ensure there is an appropriate penalty associated with crime. We refer to this as paying one’s debt to society. However, under some of Idaho’s current laws, the payment never seems to stop. Our courts assign…

Guest Blog – District 8 Representative Dorothy Moon – Common Core

Guest Blog – District 8 Representative Dorothy Moon – Common Core

Idahoans won’t be ignored about Common Core Common Core is exactly what we thought it was. Try telling that to the Idaho State Board of Education, though. The board’s members won’t hear you . Idaho adopted Common Core standards earlier this decade in hopes that the latest federal education package would solve what ails Idaho…

Guest Blog – District 8 Senator Steve Thayn – Common Core

Guest Blog – District 8 Senator Steve Thayn – Common Core

I have been accused of being in favor of Common Core. This is incorrect. I am actively working to change and correct many of the underlying problems with Common Core and public education in general. First, let me list what I am opposed to: 1. I oppose the federalization of education and curriculum. 2. I…

Work is hard. I need less work and the same pay.

Work is hard. I need less work and the same pay.

Seriously, go to your supervisor and tell them that. Then, step back and watch their reaction. They’ll either: (A) Smile, laugh and think you’re joking (B) Stare at you blankly as if your brain fell out through your ear during the night…or (C) Fire you. Boise is growing folks. Our city is getting the right…